Overheard

Things heard in passing -- at the mall, on the sidewalk, in waiting rooms -- absolutely out of context. No IDs on the speakers. Nothing to do but enjoy the weirdness and make up your own back story. Date range is mid-2012 to the present.

  • Well-dressed man to restaurant companion:
    "I just don't see how he could cut out a patient's lung, then go outside and light up a cigarette!"

  • Young woman on cell phone:
    "When you're crying at your own wedding, because you don't really want to go through with it. Well, there is just something wrong with that!"

  • Older woman to friends, in state forest exhibit building:
    "So we asked her, 'Do you realize you just drove through three stop signs!?' And she says, 'I've been driving!?'"

  • Gaunt, 40-ish man, approaching strangers on the street:
    "I'm better than any GPS!"

  • Boy, age 12 or 13, at small-town festival:
    "I'm so full of sugar! I need some real food."
     

  • Customer in Volkswagen showroom, to salesman:
    "My dad says I should buy a Buick. I told him I'm not that old."

  • Pastor on phone to parishioner:
    "I heard you fell off a bar stool."

  • Young man to friend, in college town:
    "She was so close to finishing!"

  • Young woman to somewhat older woman:
    "He's getting out of jail tomorrow. We don't know if he'll be coming to look for us."

  • Middle-aged man to middle-aged woman:
    "There's no grass growing under her tongue!"

  • Fifty-ish woman to female relative:
    "He was always overdrawing his checking account, so we just add $200 to it every month. He says to me, 'Mom, I don't understand why this keeps happening'."

  • Heavy woman to clinic nurse who had just given her fasting instructions:
    "Twelve hours? I'll starve to death by then!"

  • Social worker to group of newly-arrived nursing home residents:
    "Remember, it's illegal to get married on a dare."

  • Stylish woman on cell phone:
    "I had this sense that the walls were on fire."

  • Church deacon to church janitor in church dining room:
    "She was on top of him like this."

  • Mid-40s man with crewcut, in fast food restaurant:
    "Well, I wonder how much money I lost today."

  • Short-haired 60-ish woman in grocery store, talking to similar woman about someone not there:
    "Oh, yeah. She always starts talking about someone as soon as they're not there."

  • Toddler in shopping cart, to mother, pointing across the Walmart:
    "Doddy's girlfriend!"
    "Daddy's girlfriend?!"
    "Doddy's girlfriend.""
    "Hmph."
  • Young woman to middle-aged woman in Target store:
    "That short kid who looks like he's 12? She married him!

  • Older man in post office, to clerk:
    "I just hope this package doesn't start talking when  I put it in the truck!"

  • Coed on phone, walking along campus sidewalk:
    "Of course, then I come home to a very, very, very, very dirty apartment."

  • Two retirement-aged women at stadium, looking up at giant scoreboard screen between innings, showing men's underwear commercial:
    "Wow."
    "Holy cow."

  • Mother to young son, in the Mall of America food court:
    "Finish your chicken or you're not going on any rides."

  • Little girl, climbing the 287-step Sir Walter Scott Monument in Edinburgh:
    "It's the tower of never-ending stairs!"

  • Scotsman moving through a narrow, crowded Edinburgh laundromat:
    "You breathe in, I'll walk through."

  • Bus driver from County Clare, at Stonehenge, describing a German tour guide:
    "He spoke English so well, he could have been Irish!"



Please send me something entertaining that you have overheard. Let me know how you'd like to be identified, if at all.

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